Will I Ever Find Love

Sometimes, I have this self-doubt that I will never find someone to love. Which is why I started this site Will I Ever Find Love. It is just a way to write down some of my feelings and share my experiences and hopefully, I can help learn more about myself along the way. It’s therapeutic in a sense and writing has always been one of my hobbies anyway.

What I aim to do for this little corner of my world is to engage readers who are also looking for love. It can be tough knowing you may end up growing old alone when all your friends are fast settling down one by one. The pressure builds and when everyone starts asking when is your turn, it can get annoying too. That’s when you start to wonder if they are really worried about your future or they are just rubbing it in.

I know that’s being a bit too sensitive but hey, I’m human too, you know. I have my suspicions and I have my doubts. So, for those occasions, it can get annoying AND depressing, but let’s leave that for another time when I write about being 30 and single.

For now, I just want to rant on about will I ever find love.

My Past Relationships

So, first a little bit about my past relationships. I have dated. So, I do know about being in a committed relationship. If I haven’t, I guess I would have seen a shrink by now to assess what’s wrong with me. But thank god, I have been in two serious relationships so far that I can convince myself that I’m NORMAL! Okay, if you want to count those high school days, that would be more than two, but let’s disregard those. It seems so ancient now and I will stick to relationships I have had since I came out to work after finishing my degree.

The first romance was a with a guy I met at work. He was our company’s supplier. When we first met, there was little chemistry there. It was all business and he certainly didn’t sweep me off my feet at all. He was just a plain, ordinary guy to me. Nothing to make me take notice of him at all.

But that soon changed because of the need to communicate often for work. Those talks become more personal and love blossomed. When we started dating, it was all romance and passion. Isn’t it how that is for all relationships at the beginning? Maybe that is why people often say don’t get married with your blinkers on. It’s the same concept. The first few months will always be blissful. Each partner can do no wrong in the eyes of the other.

Well, to cut a long story short, I think we got bored after a year or two. That is okay because I wasn’t expecting perfection. Monotony will set in and I think that is normal. But guess what? I found out that he cheated on me when he was on a business trip. Do I want to put up with a man like that? Hell, no! So, I dumped him and moved on although he was all apologetic and regretful. But I stood by my principles and said no means no. End of story. No pondering over will I ever find love again and all that stuff back then.

The second romance started differently. And it also lasted two years longer. It was a very serious relationship that left me really bruised when it ended. Unlike the first when it took time for the relationship to gather momentum, for this one we were holding hands and dating by the third meeting. It was like love at first sight with the chemistry being felt very strongly both ways.

The trouble started when we were at a stage whereby it was time to take the relationship to another level, i.e. the getting married stage. That was when I saw so much differences in our outlook and values that it was hard to compromise. I wanted kids soon; he didn’t. I wanted to live close to my family; he was eyeing for a posting out of state for his career progression. I thought it was time to jointly own a house; he was giving excuses why we should delay. The list of differences is a like a mile long but critically, the one that matters stood out like a sore thumb – he was just not willing to commit.

So, the relationship ended because I wasn’t willing to sit around and wait for him. I started to doubt if he really loved me enough to want to marry me and I didn’t want to waste my time waiting for him to come around with a ring and a bunch of roses. But when this relationship ended, the question will I ever find love again began to take root.  I guess it must be the age factor as by then, I was way past my mid-20′s. It was also then that I began to wonder how to find love that will last a lifetime. Someone who will love me unconditionally and care enough for me to want me to be happy just as how I would want him to be happy too.

So, Will I Ever Find Love That Lasts?

I really don’t know. I don’t have a crystal ball to see where life leads me. But I want to find love and I think that is an encouraging and motivating thing to feel. Some people believe in the Law of Attraction – if you be positive and focus on your goals, you will attract the very thing you want into your life. If only life is as simple as that, but hey, who knows, it might well work!

Anyway, if you are in the same situation as me, don’t give up. Look for love and if you don’t know how to find love, read up all the books you can lay your hands on. I have been reading up on love and relationship a lot these days and it can be an eye-opener.

In the mean time, I also aim to be a happy single. I don’t sit and brood at home, or at least, I try not to. I keep myself busy and active and if there is one thing that I find I’m happier than all my friends with kids and husbands is that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. There is no one to please except myself. How nice is that, right?

Lastly, if you can, please share your thoughts right here. I would love to hear from you. Do you think you will ever find love and if you have, is it better than being single?